Beloved Child came home today from her summer job. She has 8 days to get ready to leave for school. A week from tomorrow we go. A week! A week? Is it time already? How can this be?
As I walked this evening, I noticed that one of the swamp maples along the road had turned red, seemingly overnight. The asters are blooming and the ferns on the verges of the road are turning yellow and brown. Fall is approaching. Fall means school. It is time.
It is so interesting to think about my own leaving for college experience. My mom dropped me off, helped me to take my things up the stairs and then she left after saying "good-bye". I don't know what it was like for her (and I am certain that she does not remember). She was pretty involved in her own life at that point. After one more year my brother left for college then she sold the house and moved to New York for 4 years.
I remember that my roommate had not arrived yet, that it was a long weekend and that I was reading Leon Uris's Exodus. I spent the weekend lying on my bed finishing the book and feeling awkward and confused about what I should be doing before classes began. Maybe I walked around campus? I know that we had arena scheduling and I signed up on too many lists of "Christian" interest groups who then began knocking at my door. I was completely naive about the evangelical type of Christians and called home to my ministers (parents of good friends) crying and panic stricken because the evangelicals told me that there was only one way to believe and that was their way. (Consequently I was doing it wrong.)
I was not used to the noise and chaos and my dorm was full of both. I was on the 3rd floor and a giant 7-Up bottle was painted on my ceiling. Cinder block walls, a single bed, a desk and a closet were on my half of the room. I had a trunk, a portable record player and Paddington Bear sheets.
I had just come from a summer job that had been emotionally rough on me. I was kind of (!) lost and alone. No clue what to do in a new town,new school and no touchstone.
Remembering this stuff and now thinking, "O God, please let my daughter have better internal and external resources than I did. Let her know how to reach out for friends and fun. Let her know how to ask questions and ask for help. Let her know that I am here fro her always. Life doesn't have to be so hard."
Flashbacks, memories and hopes. 8 more days.
I was just thinking about you this weekend--I noticed the trees changing, too. It's hard to believe its here--it must feel so exciting and difficult at the same time. Your daughter sounds self-assured and outgoing, and hopefully will have a cool roommate-- I remember mine didn't show up the first week and it made it tough as well. I'm sure shell have her moments of homesickness -- we all do-- and glad she has you to call and help her through the lonely/hard times. It's an exciting adventure, but oh what a life change. Thinking of you a lot this week.
ReplyDeleteHi there! I'm at corynmollyadoption@gmail.com . Good luck this week!
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm late to this post, so it's now more like 4 days and she goes. WOW. I can't imagine what this must feel like. I, too, remember those first days at college, and the unique mix of excitement and fear. I was able to find a good group of friends quickly on my dorm hall and I hope she will, too. And she is secure in knowing that her Beloved Mom will always be there for her (and not so far away, either). Hang in there, and good luck with everything this weekend!
ReplyDeleteI'm really late to this ... but I cannot even imagine. This post made me think back to my own leaving for college experience, and while very different from yours, I'm sure it will also be very different from Spencer's experience. (Crazy to even think about it although I know it will be here before I know it!) I think this has got to be one of the hardest steps of parenthood!
ReplyDeleteNow, I can't wait to hear how it's going!