Thanks. I give thanks.

Now.
Today.
This minute in time.   I give thanks.

My Beloved Child was home for the long weekend.  Thank you for coming, sweet pea.
She brought a friend who was lovely and easy and kind.  Thank you for coming to visit.
We had TWO Thanksgiving meals with friends and extended families of friends. Thank you for
     inviting us and feeding us and sharing your company and homes.

Thank you to my family who supports me, educated me and loves me... I continue on this journey with you day in and day out.

Beloved Child came home.  Just when I was lonely for her.  I'm a fortunate and blessed woman.

Now.
Today.
This minute in time.  I give thanks.

Wings are bigger and fly further...

It's been a long time since writing...the Beloved Child has entered her Junior (!) year of college and is preparing to go to Europe for a semester abroad.  She called tonight to discuss plane tickets, money and more money. Money does seem to come up in every conversation. Ugh.

    She talked about also beginning to search for a Summer job (Summer '16) and said " Mom, I am NOT going to come home and work there. I would go insane if I had to work in town. I have no friends and there is nothing to do there."   And with those words I realize that, she is never going to live at home again. Vacations maybe occasionally, but unless her life situation demands it, she is determined to leave this house, this town and be her own person.  She will never WANT to live here again.  This is not her life.

   I want her to be her own person, definitely. I raised her for this independence and strength.  I just want her to want to see me occasionally. Maybe, eventually, after her wings are fully spread, I'll have a place in her universe, but today, this moment, I feel the kind of abandonment that I had not anticipated.  Bleakness.   Tomorrow I won't feel so bleak, but tonight, even with the pinkest sky I have ever seen and a fire in the woodstove...
 

   Yes, it is not all about me.  Yes, it is also.