It is a grey and peaceful Sunday morning. There is a little snow on the ground, but it will be gone by this afternoon if the predictions are correct and the temperature rises into the 50's. The dog is snoring on her pillow and the fire is burning in the stove. It is quiet here.
I had NPR on until a moment ago. I was trying to read, listen to Weekend Edition Sunday and appreciate the aloneness when I realized that I really am a terrible multi-tasker. In our current culture, multi-tasking is the norm. Work, text, parent, e-shop, cook all at the same time is revered, encouraged and even promoted. Books are written about how to be more efficient in doing multiple activities. Women's magazines are constantly telling me that being able to lose weight, work full-time and make artistic holiday cookies can be done. And yet, as I sit here, quietly, I realize that I will never be good at it and in truth, I don't want to be.
If you have read any of the previous blogs you know that the beloved child is getting ready to fly from the nest. She is longing for adventure, freedom and all that becoming an adult on her own will offer her. I watch her grow and I find myself becoming more focused on one thing at a time. I want to be here WITH her when she is here. I want to hear her words. I want to make grilled cheese and watch her eat. These precious minutes are going too quickly.
Multi-tasking is just not on my agenda. As we enter the full chaos of the holiday season, I am more aware than ever that I don't want to shop 'til I drop, worry about who is getting what and when and stressing about getting the cards done "on time". I want to hang out with beloved child. I want to have peaceful mornings. I will make soup, read a book, write letters to friends, each thing in its own time.
I feel the anxiety that this declaration brings, down inside my chest somewhere, but I can push it away, for now. This moment I want to appreciate the grey morning, listen to the dog snore and breathe slowly.
Oh this is beautiful and EXACTLY how I feel! I want to savor every moment I have with my teenage son and my first Christmas with Aberash. I don't want to spend time all hustling and bustling. So I've made a huge effort to slow everything down when they are around. I have ordered everything I can online or little small local shops. One of these Sunday mornings I look forward to having coffee with you.
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